I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
