so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
