3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize