Well apparently he's into motor boating.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
