I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
