I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
