I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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