i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My Higher Power is John Stamos
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He felt like a one man threesome
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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