i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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