The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
