i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
