I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
