I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
