ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
