he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
