I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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