Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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