Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
