the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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