I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
