I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
