I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize