you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize