I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just had sex bonerless
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
