she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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