She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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