Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
