Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
