Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
