We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Send help, water and tortillas.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
