Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
