I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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