I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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