They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
