so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize