She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
