ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
