I cockslap morals
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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