I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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