I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
