On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize