You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
