Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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