I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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