I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
