it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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