If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
