My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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