I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
