Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
