woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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