i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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