wanna go halves on a baby?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
