What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
