Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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