i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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