Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
