Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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