dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
