I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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