not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
