Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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