I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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