Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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