I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
