hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
