If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize