The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
