I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is it because I queefed?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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