I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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