I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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