i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
