dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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