Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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