I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
