id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
