Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
