I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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