she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
