got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Life is so much better after having sex.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize