If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
