So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
