Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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