first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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