umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
