What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
