My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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