Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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