Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
