I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
