Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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