I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My vagina is very pro this idea
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize