At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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