Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
