O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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