I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My breasts were aching with rage.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
