I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize